Venting About Internet Negativity, Criticism and Homophobia
For the first time ever I cried about mean comments and DM’s I received on Instagram. It's really difficult dealing with hate and negativity over the internet and I just need to vent. I've received a lot of lately and it's something I never thought I'd have to deal with. I'm writing this to share how it's affecting me and also how I'm coping with it. Hopefully you can take something away from it, either how to handle your own internet bullies or how we can spread more positivity to each other through Instagram.
When I read a negative comment it sticks in my brain for hours and days. They make me so anxious and my stomach gets tied up in knots. I’m the kind of person that when something or someone is hurting me, I cut it out. So while I was sobbing about my most recent mean DM I found myself saying, “It makes me not want to be on Instagram anymore”. Which is crazy because I love what I do and the community I have here. And I get a lot of kind and heartfelt comments every day, but it’s easy to forget those.
Some of the comments are so ridiculous it's funny and those don't bother me. But others are truly hurtful, like that I have no talent as a designer or hateful homophobic comments (You can read my coming out story on my blog).
I’ve tried conversing with the mean commenters and that rarely helps
Most of the people who leave hurtful comments and messages are not open to listening or learning something new. People that are at the point of saying hateful things to online strangers are too far gone to change. I’ve tried being nice and educational, especially to people who leave homophobic comments, but then it starts an argument that leaves me feeling completely miserable.
My vintage hankies to dry tears
Sharing your ideas is great, but do so in a positive way
When I share a newly decorated room or a craft online I'll typically ask, "What do you think?" or "Do you like it?". Other times I'll share something I'm torn about and I'd love to hear your opinion. This is an invitation to start a conversation in the comments. If you have an idea on how I should do something you can totally share that! Maybe I'll love the idea. But please be kind when you leave this comment and be positive. Other content creators will share their homes, outfits, etc and they do NOT ask for your opinion. Please be respectful of those creators and if you don't like how they did something, move on and scroll past.
How I’m handling Instagram negativity
I've tried responding condescendingly to bullying and I've tried talking with them and both of those make me feel worse. If the comment is rude, bullying or homophobic then the best thing is to delete it and block the person immediately. If I leave a message or comment there and think about how I'm going to respond, it starts to consume my thoughts and make me feel awful. It's best to get rid of it right away and get it out of my mind as soon as possible.
I’ve started keeping a note on my phone where I put meaningful and positive words that I receive from followers and friends. Whenever I get a hurtful comment I’ll look at my note and see the sweet and heartfelt words I’ve received from my friends. Thank you to those of you who have told me how I’ve inspired you, it truly means a lot.
A podcast episode also helped me a lot also. It’s the A Beautiful Mess Podcast Episode #33: Dealing With Internet Critics and Bullying.
How we can help make the internet a more positive place
“Spread kindness” is such an overused and cheesy phrase. But we’ll never be able to stop the negative comments from happening. I have to read a mean DM’s first before I block them. So I’m writing this because I have a request. Take a minute and think about the creators, local artists, Etsy shops and small businesses that matter to you. The people and shops that inspire you and have made an impact on your life. Send them a message and tell them how much they enrich your life or how they’ve inspired you. Because we don’t know about that one star review they just got that they can’t stop thinking about. Or the hurtful social media comment, or the degrading sexual message they received. Tell the person you admire and appreciate what they’ve done for you. Write them a letter or tell them in person. It might mean the world to them and come right when they need to hear it the most.
I do want to say that 99% of the comments I receive and see on the Internet are positive and supportive. So let's all work together (myself included) to drown out the 1% with positivity.
