We’re Getting A Divorce

This is going to be the saddest post I’ve ever written. My wife and I are getting a divorce. It’s a hard decision that neither of us wanted to make. No one expects to get a divorce and I certainly thought I would be married forever. Here’s an open letter about what happened and what this means for my life now.

A bit of history

Cally and I met almost 10 years ago and we got married 5 years ago. We had a lot in common, we both loved going to antique stores and were homebodies. I was just 20 years old at the time and didn’t have a lot of life experience. We had each other and loved each other very much. Over the course of our relationship we bought two houses together and made them our home. We’ve owned three cats that we loved very much. Gosh this is sad.

Things changed

Things started changing for me the older I got. I changed a lot and you hope that in a relationship you’ll grow together, but sadly we didn’t. We tried so many different things to make it work like going on trips together, going on dates and going to therapy. Lots and lots of therapy. We looked at each other and said we wanted to try everything possible before calling it quits. And we did, we didn’t want to have any regrets and wondering if we could have done something different.

We made this decision months ago

We needed time to grieve privately and tell people who are closest to us. I’ve wanted to share this for a while but it’s been hard to put into words.

Our divorce was amicable. We made the decision together and we both don’t want it to happen. We both still have a lot of love for each other. We still love going to flea markets together, Cally will always be who I love to vintage shop with. Hopefully after all of this we can be friends that support each other while we find the right person for us.

What does this mean for right now?

Cally and I are still living together because the housing market is crazy. We are both saving up money so we can move out. There isn’t animosity between us so it works out well that we still live together. We are vintage shopping for Cally’s future house which will be tiki themed. If you’ve been following my Instagram you know we’ve been collecting tiki items for “our future tiki space”, but really it’s for Cally’s next house. I’m really excited to help her decorate it.

We will be living together for the next year, possibly more and possibly less. That means you may still see her on my Instagram account because she’s still my best friend and a part of my life.

Fear for the future

As for me, I have no idea what I’m going to do. I love our house and there’s a chance I might stay in it. My job really relies on my home and being able to decorate it so I can’t move into a bedroom for rent or something like that. Another problem I have is that my income is incredibly sporadic, sometimes I get contracts that pays a lot and things are great (Right now I’m in a Pinterest program that pays and I’ve had a contract with Instagram in the past). Other times Cally’s income bridges that gap when I’m not making very much. That means it will be hard for me to get approved for a mortgage by myself, even though I have a great credit score and money saved up.

Sometimes I start to worry too much about my future and where I’ll go and I get really anxious. My whole life I’ve planned my future and I always knew what was happening next. I can’t do that right now and it’s been a challenge to accept that. I’ve been working hard on living each day one and a time and letting the chips fall where they may. Cally and I are planning on parting ways sometime next summer at the soonest (Unless things change) and so I’m taking this year to try to get myself more stable income in my business.

That’s why you’ve seen me start my YouTube channel. Ad revenue on YouTube is a way to get more steady income with the work I put in. Sadly I’ve worked so hard on my Instagram and I don’t get paid for the work I do there except when I had a contract with Instagram which is over now. My blog is another big piece of the puzzle and I’m hoping to put ads on my website to help with passive income too.

Easy ways if you’d like to show me support

If you want to help here are some easy ways to do that

• Subscribe to my YouTube channel and hit the bell icon to get notified when I have new videos

• Watch my long form YouTube videos. I need to get to 4,000 watch hours before I can start getting paid by YouTube. I’m going to post new long form videos twice a week.

• Visit my blog. This helps Google see that my blog has high traffic and it will prioritize my articles.

• Use my affiliate links in my blog posts and the ones I post on my Instagram. If I link to a product on Amazon and you buy that product (Or you buy something else using that link) Amazon sends me a percentage of the sale. You don’t pay more in any way, the company does.

• Shop my Spoonflower and Redbubble shop.

• Share, like and comment on my YouTube videos, blog posts, Instagram posts and save my Pinterest pins.

I’m grateful

It’s a scary time for Cally and I but we are getting through it. We also have this year to celebrate our last Halloween and our last Christmas together. It makes me so sad to think about it being the last time. But also I’m grateful that we don’t hate each other like a lot of other failed marriages. I’m grateful that we have this year to spend together. I’m grateful we aren’t trying to screw over each other for money. I’m grateful we decided to wait to adopt children because we were so close to doing that and then Covid hit. I’m so so grateful for the support of my parents and my friends who have been very kind and understanding.

Divorce isn’t failure

In my solo therapy sessions my therapist helped me accept that getting a divorce doesn’t mean that I’ve failed. I had been struggling with that so much, that getting a divorce means that I’ve failed as a wife, as a daughter, even as a member of the LGBTQ+ community. My therapist told me that sometimes you accept a job opportunity that isn’t right, or you buy a house that doesn’t work out, and sometimes you marry someone that doesn’t fit. It really helped me accept my reality and be easier on myself.

I found my amazing therapist through Psychology Today. You can search for therapists in your area and see if they work with the specific things you need help with (Psychology Today is not affiliated with me it just really helped me and I want to share it if you need help finding a good therapist).

Sure, the marriage that we pictured didn’t work out. We didn’t spend all our lives together. The trip we had always planned together to Austria won’t happen together and it makes me so so sad. Our marriage died and it’s awful. But with the ending is also a new beginning for both of us. I haven’t really been on my own very much since Cally and I met when I was young. I get another chance to create the life I want. We both can search for people that are more compatible for us.

We get to start over and “the future’s open wide” as the Modern English song goes.